Soften Saturday: Break Free From the Chains of Body Shame

Today’s Soften Saturday post is from Alta of Tasty Eats At Home.  Not only is she brilliant in the kitchen, she has great insight into the challenges so many of us face when it comes to accepting our beautiful bodies. 

Break Free From the Chains of Body Shames  by Alta

Body-shaming is everywhere. Just take a look at the tabloids, social media, the news – and just listen to people talk about one another, or themselves. It’s not new, but as media creeps into every facet of our lives, it seems that this message just seeps in. That message that somehow, no matter what, there is something wrong with the way someone’s body looks. Hot-and-sexy Celebrity A has gained weight. Always-happening Celebrity B has let herself go. Otherwise-perfectly-healthy-and-beautiful Celebrity C has *gasp* cellulite. Just the other day, I saw that a tabloid had a caption on the front page, showing Kate Middleton leaving with the royal baby from the hospital, sharing a “Post-Baby Weight Loss Regime”. Seriously? The woman just had a baby 24 hours ago. TWENTY-FOUR HOURS. That’s what a post-partum belly looks like. (In my opinion, she looked amazing.)

And along that same line, there’s the diets. Low-carb. Low-fat. Paleo. Primal. Gluten-free. Sugar-free. Detox for 10 days and lose 5 pounds. Lose one dress size in just 4 weeks. There are a million versions of the same underlying message: you’re not good enough. You must get smaller. Thinner. Lose a size. Take up less space. Become less.

It’s hard not to get wrapped up in the nonsense. It’s everywhere, after all. And it’s easy to catch yourself saying things right along with other people. “She shouldn’t be wearing that outfit, she’s too (fat/skinny/boobs too big/butt too big/whatever).” Or often out of the mouths of those of us eating what we deem to be healthy diets, “If only they ate better/gluten-free/primal/paleo/vegan/vegetarian/whatever, they could lose the weight/gain muscle/be healthier.” I’ll admit it. I’ve said it or thought it. Not just about others, but perhaps the most damaging of all: I’ve said it to myself. Repeatedly.

It’s almost a given, right? With women, especially. We get together, and eventually the discussion turns to diet or weight or clothing, and we can’t help but talk about how fat we are, how we hate this part of our body, how we can’t eat that or wear that. Or we say it about others in some form or fashion, from the harsher “She’s really let herself go” to the self-deprecating “She looks great; I’ll never look that good.” It’s this whole ritual in our society. We degrade one another. We degrade ourselves. It’s as if it’s not okay to say “hey, I’m okay with how I look,” much less even admit out loud, or to ourselves “hey, I’m beautiful, and I’m okay with me.”

Well, folks, I’ve got news for you. You ARE okay. You ARE beautiful. Right now. Just as you are. Not five, ten, twenty, fifty pounds from now. Not when you lose that baby weight. Not except for your stretch marks/acne/fine lines/cellulite/bum knee. ALL OF YOU is beautiful. Awesome. Perfect. Just how you are. And so are your friends, your family, all the celebrities that are ousted on the tabloids, the strangers walking down the street. All of these people are beautiful.

Of course, it’s easy to say that. Easy to write it, easy to read. But to believe it? To live it? That’s harder. I struggle with this many days, but I’m learning to let go of the shaming. The negativity. The not-good-enough-itis. I’m no longer making critical remarks of others – not in my head, and certainly not out loud. In fact, I’m taking moments to stop and see the beauty in others. All sorts of beauty, in all ages, in all body types, men and women. Have you ever looked at photographs of people – not photoshopped, fashion and celebrity photographs, but real, everyday people. Like here, for example. These people are all beautiful, and the photographer has an amazing eye and ability to catch that beauty. I feel like it might sound silly, but I am working to look at people through that same eye, and appreciating all that I can see. Let me tell you, it’s a game-changer. Everyone really is beautiful. It’s kind of amazing. Once I started practicing this on a regular basis, I am learning to look at myself in that same manner. And you know what? I’m finding I’m beautiful too.

While I might not have the power to single-handedly take this mind shift and change society, ridding us all of the systemic body-shaming, I can share it here with you. I can share it with friends. And perhaps most importantly, I can share it with my teenage daughter, who is just learning her way in the world. There will be many places and opportunities for her to hear the typical judgmental words used against our bodies. What she needs to hear most of all from those closest to her is that she is good enough. If I tell her she is beautiful, choose to speak of others in a positive manner, and regard myself as good enough and in a loving, accepting frame of mind, then I hope that this helps her form a similar self-image. If I can change my mind for the better, perhaps she can change hers as well – and with that, we can change the world.

Thanks, Alta, for contributing this post.  I hope all of you beautiful readers will drop by Tasty Eats at Home, Alta’s site full of gluten-free, dairy-free goodness.