Unless you live under a very large rock or deep within a cave, you’ve seen all of the media chatter this week about Renee Zellweger’s new look. The assumptions that she had plastic surgery, the pointed comments that she looks older than when she was last seen, the comments that she is unrecognizable.
I read one journalist’s comments saying that her former “pudgy, squinty-eyed appearance” is gone. With people saying things like that about your appearance, it could be easy to understand why you would want to change it. But yet, here she is with a changed appearance and that’s not right either. Now some say she looks older, not like herself. No matter how she looks, it isn’t right, good enough, satisfying to the media OR the public. I saw comments from friends including, “Her new hair color is so much better,” and “Plastic surgery is intended to correct scars. This is ridiculous!” So much judgment.
It would be short-sighted to think this only happens to celebrities. Wanna know how I know this? I’ve had plastic surgery. (Next time you see me, I’ll expect to get the once over while you try to figure out what “work” I’ve had done.) I’ve done Botox more than once. And I regret none of it. What I do regret is not speaking up when a friend said to me after I had surgery, “I could never have plastic surgery. I just don’t get it, women who can’t just be okay with who they are.”
So today I will do just that. I will speak up and ask that you, all of you, consider being softer to those who have chosen to have plastic surgery. Or those who have chosen not to. See, it’s not your body. It’s not up to you to decide what is right for them. And it’s sure as heck not helpful or encouraging for you to judge their choices or criticize their appearance. How about you try only love or acceptance as your reaction? If you really love them or accept them as they are, you’ll love them with surgery, without surgery, pumped full of fillers, Botox’d to the hilt, aging naturally without wrinkle creams or magic potions.
If we want to change how society treats women and their appearances, we have to take action. A big action step would be not judging women who choose to have surgery as well as those who do not. Judging a woman’s appearance is the same in both cases. It’s still judgmental, lacking in acceptance. And this may be more a reflection on those of us who choose to judge than those we are judging.
Right On! I may think she looks odd but as you stated, it’s her body, here career, her life. If she likes it and feels better about herself more power to her. That old hippie era saying “Whatever floats your boat” works for me.
Ha–I often say, “whatever floats your boat.” Thanks for the comment–it’s encouraging to know there are others out there who feel this way, especially a guy.
I think us “GUYS” also get a bad rap about a lot of stereo types but I also talk with my buds and wonder WTF is wrong with them, sometimes.
I agree. I think men may be more accepting of women than many women think.
I have mixed feelings on this topic. I don’t think it’s as clear cut as it would seem. Here are some thoughts, in no particular order. I probably WILL look at you differently next time I see you and I’ll probably ask you about Botox, because I’m curious. I’ll probably even ask you about it, again because I’m curious. Who doesn’t want to look better? But I’ll admit I’m one who has said I’ll never do plastic surgery. Yet I had two moles removed at the dermatologist’s office about a year or so ago. there was no health reason to remove them; I just didn’t like the way they looked. it wasn’t considered plastic surgery, but it was facial improvement.
In doing that or Botox on plastic surgery, aren’t we succumbing to judgment as well? We’re not accepting of ourselves then, right? Note that I’m playing devil’s advocate a bit here, but also sharing thoughts that cross my mind on this topic.
Plus, I think that when one is a celebrity, it sort of changes the game, so to speak. “Look at me, look at me, talk about me, look at my pretty red dress, my upswept hair, my jewelry” … no wait, don’t talk about me now. I’m not happy with my look and I want to change things, etc. etc. And there’s the thinking that no attention for a celebrity is bad attention (well, not most attention anyway). Renee has been off the radar for a while. Maybe that was also part of her motivation. I’ve heard Hollywood agents encourage such things. For example, my savvy son tells me that everything that Beyoncé and Jay-Z do is orchestrated. Hmm.
I think when a person looks dramatically different, folks are bound to talk about it and talk about it. Similarly, they will never stop talking about Meg Ryan’s or Jennifer Grey’s faces changing. And maybe their statements come from their own insecurities (gosh, am I going to dislike my own face so much that I have to have plastic surgery and nobody will recognize me?), but they are human emotions expressed and not really all that surprising.
I’m one who doesn’t want to judge by appearance or be judged on my appearance on the surface, but when I look pretty, I want to be told I look pretty; when I wear a new outfit in my favorite color; I’m disappointed when folks don’t comment on it. We all are drawn to beauty (e.g., the drama of a colorful sunset, the veiled structure and “grace” that fresh snow gives to everything it covers, amazing art work). It is a fact, and we also all see beauty a bit differently. Some love abstract art, while I go for traditional. The one who sees Johnny Depp as gorgeous might not give George Clooney a second glance. (Of course, I happen to love looking at both of them!)
I do agree it’s not up to us to decide what’s right for others, but I don’t think we’ll ever stop commenting on it, stating our opinions, etc. Maybe the take away is to do it in a more respectful way. Perhaps your friend could have said, “I don’t think I could ever do plastic surgery for myself.” Maybe she could have just kept her opinions to herself. But whether it’s plastic surgery or something else, I suspect we all, even you, have said something similar to someone. “I could never do x or y.” after a friend just did x or y or had x or y done. Please know that I’m not pointing fingers. I think it’s a good discussion and needed, and it makes us more thoughtful about our comments, our judgment, but I don’t think it’s as simple as not judging others’ appearances, whether the others be man or woman.
Shirley
So many good thoughts here, Shirley!
I thought a lot about where the line of acceptability was when writing this post. For example, is hair color ok but Botox is not? Or is a wrinkle cream accetable, injections of a filler is not? Microdermabrasion or a chemical peel versus a facelift… I like that you pointed out mole removal for that exact reason. I’m not sure where the line is and perhaps it is personal for each person.
I DO think we are succumbing to judgment, both personal and that of friends and strangers, when we change anything about our appearance. I also think it’s possible to be very accepting of my body right now but also be working to change it (diet, exercise, hair color appointment, what have you…). But I don’t think that is the norm. I think we live in a society that constantly tells us our bodies aren’t good enough, our appearance isn’t acceptable. I used to think that was solely directed at women but have since talked to several male friends about this and stand corrected. It exists in the man’s world, too.
And I SO agree with you that we are all guilty of saying, “I could never do x or y.” I am very guilty of this and working hard on it. Really, just working hard on not judging anyone’s body. A baseball player who was hitting for the Giants appeared very slender to me, too slender. I suggested that I would like to give him a sandwich. And my fella was quick to point out I had judged his body. True. I’m working on it… 😉
Another quick aside regarding Botox…you’ve seen me with it and without. For now, I’ve decided Botox is not for me. I had a bad headache both times after getting injections. I didn’t think the benefit was that noticeable in comparison with the price, which seems like a lot of money to me. Back to the natural wrinkle potions and trying to embracing aging gracefully while on a budget. 😉
Maybe in the final analysis, it’s really all about the golden rule, “Treat others the way you want to be treated.” and “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” And I’ll add, “If you have something positive to say, by all means say it!” Because we–and the world–all need more positivity. That’s probably the rainbow, blue skies, unicorns in-every-corner, pie-in-the-sky kind of thinking and not at all realistic, but it would make a nicer world overall, right? 😉
Shirley
I’m all for this Pollyanna way of thinking, Shirley! 🙂